web statistics
You need Flash Player to view our Menu.
About | Careers | Children | Paper | Community | Contact

Saturday, March 13, 2010

After Blowing Up

You may have noticed inactivity here at the Company website, or "Virtual Paper" as we like to call it. Well, there's a reason for that. We recently blew up.

It was a tragic tragedy, no doubt about that.

However, we're finally moving on stronger than ever before. Well, that's the plan at least. You see, the truth is, we may have been paper enthusiasts, but we were more than that. We also hunted "special" people. It wasn't as profitable as the paper division, but nonetheless it was an important part of Primatech.

If this is all news to you, then clearly you haven't been watching the news. A young woman, Claire Bennet, recently went public with certain information about the existence of "special" people.

"Uh, I, like, get stabbed to death every week!"


Clearly these people are going to need their own schools and people to look after them. It's going to open up a whole new industry! And where there's industry, there's paper and paper products.

So, we're back in business. We've got a new business plan and managed to get a cash advance to begin work immediately.

We hope all of you paper enthusiasts will join as we protect the world with paper.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Kevin Chamberlin

Primatech isn't a faceless paper company. We are all active members of our society, just like you. And just like you, we love the show Heroes. While standing around the water coolers at our Odessa headquarters talking about the show someone expressed their love for the character of Aron Malsky. That is when we decided to interview the man behind the diamond thief.

That man is Kevin Chamberlin.

Here at Primatech, we're all about paper. So much so that you could say we're paper enthusiasts. What about you? What are your thoughts on paper? Are you a paper enthusiast?
Paper is a fascinating word. It comes from the word “papyrus”, dating back to the late 16th century. Paper in and of itself isn’t very remarkable. But when ink or lead is applied to paper, it can cause revolutions, ruin people’s lives, purchase material goods, change the world. It’s a deceptively simple material.

What is your favorite paper product?

I am fond of recycled paper. I’m green. (I drive a Prius)

No Nissan Versa then?

I’m a Toyota loyalist.

You have a role as a series regular in the upcoming Lifetime series, "State of Mind." Could you elaborate a bit on the show and the role you're playing in it?
State of Mind stars Lily Taylor (Six Feet Under) and it takes place in New Haven, CT. It follows a group of psychiatrists who share a practice. I play their receptionist, Fred – who fancies himself a therapist. He’s a little off – center and bizarre.

When will "State of Mind" begin its first season?
State of Mind starts in July on Lifetime Cable Network.

On your blog, you said about the Heroes episodes you did, "More people saw me in those three episodes than will ever see me onstage in my whole lifetime." How did your role on "Heroes" affect you after the episodes aired?
I get recognized all of the time now. When I was a stage actor in NYC, I would get stopped on the street maybe once a month. After Heroes, someone stops me almost everyday.

What did you enjoy most about your stint on "Heroes?"
I was a huge fan of the show before I got the gig, so I was completely star struck when I arrived on set my first day. I enjoyed working with Greg, especially – because we are both character actors and had a lot in common.

Any memorable moments while shooting the show?
I loved doing all of the scenes where Greg and I were running from Ali while she was shooting at us. I’ve never done “action” scenes before. The adrenaline really gets pumping and it was fun to “dive for cover”.

How did it feel to steal diamonds from Malcolm McDowell?
He hadn’t been cast yet when I was shooting my episodes, so no one knew who Linderman was.

How did you feel when you found out he was going to be killed? Were you disappointed or was it exciting to have a gruesome death?
I was bummed because I wanted to do more episodes, but you never know...they could go back in time and show me interacting with Linderman.
It was exciting to shoot the death scene, though. I never get to scream (on screen or in real life). I recommend it. It can be very therapeutic.

Any possibility that Malsky had a power of which we did not know?
I kept telling the writers that Malsky has the power to regenerate limbs.

How did the casting process for "Heroes," go? Did they know they had their Malsky right away? How did you stumble upon this role?
I had worked for Tim Kring on “Crossing Jordan” so we had a history together – which makes the casting room much easier. I auditioned with a bunch of other guys and I heard the next day that I had booked the role. At the time, it was a “possible recurring” role. I didn’t know if I was going to live or die from show to show.

You haven't happened to see a blonde cheerleader or a dark-haired, unshaven serial killer, have you?
I see Sylar at the dog park sometimes.

Speaking of Heroes, do you have any heroes of your own? Any actors or actresses that have looked to for inspiration in your career?
I love the old character actors – Charles Durning, Ned Beatty, John McGiver.

With "Heroes" behind you, a Lifetime series on the horizon, are there any other projects you're working on?
I’m going to do a Broadway revival of Terrence McNally’s play “The Ritz” at Studio 54 this fall / winter in New York and I’m going to do a show with Kristin Chenowith at City Center in NYC (May 10-14) called “Stairway to Paradise”.

Who is this "Samantha" that I've read so much about on your website?
The most perfect dog in the world. She’s a cross between a cocker spaniel and a poodle.

How would you describe acting, in general, and what led you onto this career path?
Acting is “being truthful under imaginary circumstances”. I was always the “fat kid” growing up - and doing theater and acting was my way of making friends and fitting in. I loved playing the piano and doing musicals in community theater and school – so I majored in it in college and have luckily had a very successful career – doing what I love to do. I feel incredibly lucky to be making a living in this very difficult business. I’m thankful every day.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Seven Secrets of HRG


  1. Before I was a paper salesman, I enjoyed a brief career as a self-employed bugle boy.

  2. I spend most of my free time bashing Yahoo in chat rooms. (They hate Catholics! They take money for search positions! They eat their young!)

  3. I was hoping Peter and Nathan would explode, especially Nathan. At least someone had the decency to shoot him.

  4. I actually wanted The Haitian to shoot me because I thought it might be fun being on the other side of a gun for a change. It wasn't.

  5. I once had a bad Slusho addiction.

  6. Sandra and I are kinda kinky.

  7. Very kinky.


And there we have it. My deep, dark secrets. And now it's time for me to find out yours. Feel free to reveal. We at Primatech love hearing all about our loyal customers.

Friday, February 01, 2008

I'm Back. Now, Let's Talk.

Yes, my love of paper could simply not be restrained. I had thought that my time to retire and spend the rest of my life playing croquet with the family was finally here. But the alluring call of paper followed me.

And so, for that reason, and only that reason, I'm back with the company.

However, there will be changes. When I had left the company, it was no surprise that I felt some of their practices were on the verge of being unethical. I never agreed with their Pookie the Panda Paper Mascot campaign. No bear, even a Chinese one, should be subject to such difficult working conditions. I mean, sure the dancing was fun, but an arthritic Panda needs two 15-minute breaks a day too.

The biggest and bestest change is public disclosure. Now, there's not a lot for a paper company to hide, but Primatech, on the advice of lawyers and accountants, did keep quite a few secrets. I agreed to come back if they would open their company forum to everyone. They agreed.

It is my belief that through communication, we can grow as a company and provide better quality of paper than the high quality paper we already provide to the masses. With your input, we'll create a world where paper is no longer on the verge of extinction, but displayed proudly on the heads and in the hearts of every human!

So join us in the forums and let the healing begin. Feel free to disclose any and all secrets about yourself there. We have a very safe and secure server and your privacy is our number one concern.

Friday, September 28, 2007

The Company is Still Strong

It's been a few months, but we're back up and running stronger than ever!

Some of you may have heard that one of our branch managers was brutally murdered. All of us here at Primatech miss him very much. The circumstances surrounding his death also did lots of damage to our company. Paper products were put on hold for some time. We appologize to all you paper enthusiasts out there who were unable to get the fine quality paper products you so desperately need.

But the good news is that we're back. We have reorganized and trees are being killed as I type. This is good news for the world. Primatech has always been a beacon of good in the community and though our light momentarily faded, it's shining bright now.

Please bear with us as we work to upgrade our site and continue providing you all with the best and finest paper products the world has to offer.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Burnt Toast Diner

When you think great waffles and delicious coffee, you think paper, right? Well, that's what we here at Primatech thought. And that was the catalyst for our newest partnership.

The Burnt Toast Diner is taking votes for their Greatest Hits. As it turns out, most of our employees and even some of our best customers frequent the diner for their hunger and caffienation needs.

So, naturally, we decided to work together with them. They use a lot of paper, as you'd expect. Writing tickets, printing receipts, toilet related paper usage.

We are now their official paper supplier. In return, they give our employees special discounts at their diner. So, be sure to check them out and say "Thank you for being a Paper Hero!"

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Photo Captions!

Everyone's invited to participate in the Photo Caption contest going on here:
Mr. Bennet's Diary

However, only Primatech personnel will win the coveted promotions.
About | Careers | Children | Paper | Community | Contact


Copyright 2009

THIS SITE IS INTENDED AS A PARODY AND IS NOT AFFILIATED WITH NBC OR HEROES IN ANY WAY. USE OF COPYRIGHTED AND TRADEMARKED IMAGES FOR THE PURPOSE OF PARODY IS ALLOWED UNDER THE US COPYRIGHT LAW OF FAIR USE. CHARACTERS, INCLUDING MR. BENNET (HRG), EDEN MCCAIN AND THE HAITIAN, AS WELL AS PRIMATECH PAPER COMPANY ARE TRADEMARKS OF THE TV SHOW HEROES.

THE AUTHOR(S) OF THIS SITE RESERVES THE RIGHT TO USE, AS CONTENT FOR THIS SITE, ANY COMMENTS MADE ON THIS SITE, OR ANY EMAIL MESSAGE SENT VIA THE CONTACT FORM OR TO ANY PRIMATECHPAPER.ORG EMAIL ADDRESS, WITHOUT REVEALING THE IDENTITY OF, OR REVEALING ANY PRIVATE INFORMATION BELONGING TO, THE SENDER(S) OF SUCH EMAILS. BY COMMENTING ON THIS SITE, THE COMMENTER GIVES UP ANY CLAIM TO THE COPYRIGHT OF THE COMMENT, AS WELL AS ANY CLAIM TO REVENUE SHARE GENERATED FROM ADVERTISING ON THIS SITE OR MERCHANDISE SALES.